Since our president released his long form birth certificate today, I feel that it's time I leveled with my readers (both of you) on something.
I know this is going to come as a great shock, so brace yourself.
I've been party to a massive cover-up.
The cover-up involves - dare I say it? - my thighs. Yes, my thighs are indeed massive, and covering them up requires a great amount of material. Some of it probably comes from China. The fabric, not the thighs. They're 100% American, and I have a certificate of live birth to prove it.
Thank you for letting me get that off my chest, which is, by the way, congested. Yes, ongested. What did you think I was going to say?