Julie Barrett is a freelance writer and photographer based in Plano, TX.

Dear Spammers...

Fresh when it gets here from Julie Barrett
Monday, August 25, 2014

Since you continue to send me offers, I shall continue to mock them. Fair enough?

No, I don't need to enlarge body parts I don't have.

I have a new(ish) car. And I think if my Ford dealer wants to send me an email, it will come from the dealership and not some dodgy web site. And no, do you think I really want to buy a used car from you? Or tires? Or an oil change? 

My name is not Tania. And I won't pay your invoice. Oh, you forgot to attach it anyway.

You have a new photo? How nice. I'll hook you up with the Russian Brides service. I think you guys could do some business.

Why yes, I'll rent a luxury yacht or private plane from you. Just as soon as I win the Sweepstakesaday drawing.

I already know my future. It involves emptying my spam folder.

Thanks for the education on the Erie Canal, herbivores, and telling me how elephants bring millions to the US economy every year. Now what does that have to do with tracing my ancestry?

Overeating sugar cures diabetes? Thanks. Now I know I'll never, ever get diabetes. 

So does the natural herpes cure have anything to do with the natural "enlargement" drugs you're trying to sell in another email?

So you say marriage is boring and affairs are fun? Boy, do I feel sorry for you.

Winter is here, you say? I thought Winter was coming. In that case, I can also ignore your plea to get my summer body. Make up your mind. 

Why yes, I do find it amusing that "Mrs. Glascock" is selling ... you guessed it. Okay, it's Monday and the bar is low.

If I could lose weight while watching TV, I'd be a supermodel.

Now pardon me while I flush unwanted bulk from my spam folder. I told you I knew my future.

Filed under: Life            


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