Julie Barrett is a freelance writer and photographer based in Plano, TX.

Dear Spammers...

Fresh when it gets here from Julie Barrett
Tuesday, August 12, 2014


Thank you for your apparent concern about my health and welfare. Please note the following:

I have no need of blue pills.

Along those lines, I don't want to put the weight loss doctor's miracle drug that sounds like "foreskin" into my mouth, thank you very much.

If I want a drug that makes me look younger in less than a month, I won't purchase it through a web site that sells cars, thank you.

P.S. If the FDA has approved of your drug, why doesn't it show up on their web site? Or WebMD, for that matter?

If a doctor was jailed for sharing a cure, maybe the people who jailed him or her had a reason, like the cure was bogus?

No, I am not eligible for Medicare.

Why would I order toilet paper coupons from you when I can get them delivered to my door with the Sunday paper?

Thanks, but I don't need to refinance. It would cost me more than what's left on the mortgage.

I already own a hybrid, thank you.

Thanks for letting me know Home Depot is offering free quotes on Windows, but I have Windows 8.1. Oh, you mean windows for the house. Thanks, I'll contact them directly rather than going through some dodgy web site.

If you could see the trees around my house, you'd know that several satellite installers have told me that I shouldn't even bother with a dish.

Nope, still don't need to enlarge body parts I don't have.

As seen on TV? And spam!

Hello? Well, hello to you, too. Now get off my lawn.

Why yes, I'll join an injury settlement for a pill I've never taken or an operation I've never had. Uh, not.

Don't need a business phone system, thank you. I work from home.

I already protect my garage floor - with junk. ;-)

Hey, I didn't know the fda (sic) had arrest powers!

Don't need shutters.

Don't have neuropathy.

My wrinkles have wrinkles. Reverse THAT.

Don't have an Ipad (sic).

I already have a degree - from a place with more cred than your online university.

Thanks, but I've already hooked up with someone sexy, and we've been married - to each other! - for nearly 35 years. 

I'm not a man. Thanks for asking. Now take your blue pills elsewhere.

I don't have diabetes. Why would I want to reverse that condition?

Obama allows me to go solar? Wow! Betcha one of your solar rigs that the next president will allow it to, and your spam will say so! (No, I'm not being political. Just watch. We'll all get spam starting in 2017 invoking the name of whoever wins the next election.)

I think there's a reason you want beginners to test your beta code, dude, and I'm not falling for it.

Don't need a loan, and if I did I'd go to the bank.

Nope, still don't need blue pills.

Thank you for your attention. 



Filed under: Spam            

 

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